Difficult Conversations

I have recently experienced for myself and have discussed with friends the subject of having to initiate a difficult conversation. What makes a conversation difficult? Obviously the topic of the conversation is the problem. Some examples of topics that may cause a conversation to be deemed difficult would be: breaking up with someone, asking your boss for a raise, confronting someone who has said things behind your back, or confronting someone who may have treated your poorly. If you are in a management at your job you may have to reprimand someone, or worse fire them. The list of topics and situations that make some conversations more difficult than others is endless. It is an infinite number because something that may cause you to view a conversation as difficult others may view the same conversation as having no real threat of  being difficult.

For example, I do NOT like to talk about money. Mostly I do not like to ask people for money, even if they are purchasing something from me. I want them to "just know" that they owe me money. For example I sell thirty-one gifts, LOVE the products (had to get that plug in there). If someone orders from me obviously they know they have to pay for it, but I am uncomfortable even asking them if they want to pay with cash, check or charge. How stupid is that? I know, it's my own hang up. I know plenty of people who have no problem asking for money, but me - hate it.

I have known managers who have been hesitant to voice concerns to their boss over decisions being made that they are not in agreement with. I on the other hand would have no problem stating my concern and asking for an explanation as to 'why' something was decided. I would also have no problem stating my reason for disagreeing. But that's because of my personality. We are all wired differently.

Here are a few tips for bringing up a difficult conversation. These tips work regardless of the situation. I'm not perfect, ask my friends, I'm still working on these myself.

1. Be calm. Don't address the issue when you are all fired up and your feathers are ruffled. Trust me, been there done that. I'm still working on this one but I'm trying.

2. Take notes with you. I tend to get panicky and forget some of the main points that I want to make so I often times will just jot down a few notes to trigger my thoughts.

3.  Admit that it's a difficult subject. There is nothing wrong with starting the conversation with something like "Hey Marty, you know, this isn't very easy for me to bring up but I feel strongly about it and really want to talk it over with you". That's totally cool, you don't look weak, you look like an honest human being with emotions and that's OK.

4.  Assume the best. Don't broach a subject thinking "oh, this is gonna be bad. Ugh, I know this isn't going to turn out well". STOP THAT. I know a ton of you do that. Go in thinking positively.

5. Be respectful. I believe in candor with respect. I have failed at respectful, but I will keep trying. When I fail it's usually when I've approached a topic while my feathers are still ruffled. Remember tip #1 Be Calm.

Now I'm opening it up for comments from you all. Do you have any tips you want to share? Do you have a situation you want to chat about? Feel free to leave comments here and/or email me at terriswittyadvice@gmail.com

I have a few difficult topics in my near future. I'll be back to let you know how it went ;-)